| Seeker's Letters |
| Just happened to read your sept./oct. newsletter by Wayne re. the teaching style of Maharaj . I completely agree with him that Maharaj spoke from the standpoint of Absolute & He would tell the disciples that He was addressing Consciousness, when he was talking to them & not the individuals that they thought themselves to be. I have been going to Guruji's (Ramesh Balsekar, for you) satsangs since quite some time now. His style, as He has said so a no. of times, is diff.. He addresses the ego (or the individual entity), comes down to his level & communicates in ways easily understood by him (its a diff. matter whether these are acceptable to the person - but at least they are mentally/intellectually understood fairly well). I for myself, have been greatly influenced by the Teaching, as conveyed by both Guruji & Maharaj, transmitted in diff. styles. To a mind conditioned to believe only scientifically proven concepts or logically (???) sensible concepts, Guruji's & Wayne's teaching finds more of an appeal & less of a resistance, & is more likely to find the target. But, when the mind is more attuned to abstract ideas (at times illogical & absurd, relatively speaking) it is more receptive to Maharaj's concepts, which chip away at the most basic presumptions, some time gradually & sometimes, with a harsh bang & blast. But, sometimes, I think it's not true to brand a Sage with a particular teaching style. During the many years that I have sat at Guruji's feat, I have seen wide variety of colours & shades to the teaching that He has showered on us. At most times, he has been gentle, nudging along the obstinate person, patiently moving along with the guy in such a smooth manner that by the end of the conversation, the guy is far away from his dearly held notions, & more open to Guruji's concepts. But I have also seen Him present it in such scintillating & sparkling ways, that we would be just awestruck & overwhelmed by the sheer beauty & crisp clarity in the whole talk, leaving no scope for multiple interpretation. At times, He seemed to literally open window into the Beyond inviting us not only to take a peak but to take a leap, being fully assured He is with you all the way. It's really impossible to describe the entire range of the colours that He has used, as if to go on painting the Eternal/ Perennial Teaching, from where Jesus, Buddha & Maharaj left. Its really with awe & amazement we see it unfold with such unique style by Wayne. He is truly a darling, sometimes playing around with our concepts, sometimes like a stern schoolmaster, admonishing & sometimes like the thunderbolt, accompanied by blinding flashes & scorching the rubble & trash, so meticulously lovingly collected by us over a lifetime. Having understood (or misunderstood ??) the Teaching, to whatever extent, it is my impression that, every Sage has presented the teaching, depending solely on the need of the disciple, & the capacity & conditioning of the listeners. Because, the Sage has no agenda of his own to push. In fact, He has taken the role of the Teacher only with reference to the disciple. And, as the disciple is a product of the conditioning, besides his inherent genetic traits, which have been continuosly in flux & changed over the ages, his style has undergone changes, from Buddha to Jesus, to Ramana Maharshi, Maharaj & Wayne. The more IT has changed, the more IT has remained the same. _____________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, I wish to thank you for having written the book Never Mind. When I saw it on the table at Watkin's Bookstore in London, I picked it up but hesitated to buy it at first because I just have too many books on these subjects. But I did and am glad because if I have read your book correctly it gives me a better understanding of what Buddha meant by 'No Self'. I have read about it in many books about Buddhism but had yet to grasp its meaning. If I have interpreted what you wrote correctly I think the absence of an author = No Self. Being able to understand that and many other things about life in your book has made the purchase of your book worthwhile. I didn't even know about your organisation until I bought the book. Regards _____________________________________________________________________________ Dearest Wayne, I have been so enjoying our times together at my altar. More and more the altar appears throughout my day as Love. Your Love and my love for you sweeten everything. Everything having to do with this "teaching" is spreading out throughout everything. I can't even describe it. It is all this teaching. You are everywhere. I am so grateful to have you as a focus of this love and this gratitude. Something happened when I saw you in San Francisco that freed me to enjoy this "journey", to enjoy this love, without a shadow being cast by some "unmet goal". Perhaps the final understanding will happen here, perhaps it will not. Most of the time now, it doesn't seem to matter. You are giving me such riches to enjoy! The blessings of you in my life continue to grow and be seen in ways I could never have anticipated. To try to detail the ways seems to break up the wholeness into meaningless pieces. What more needs to be told than the love. This is such a surprising love. You are my Guru, not my friend,
and yet at the same time it feels as if you are my best friend. You
are there for me in ways I could never have imagined. You make
everything alright. Even when things don't feel alright, the thought
of you This rascal Advaita laid in wait for me, disguised as words, and pounced on me to swallow me up in love. Goodbye for now, most precious guru.
Hi Wayne The questions and answers helped me to understand what I was passing through...my heart was touched. Tears were coming, but they were tears of love and gratitude for the beauty of the process in action... The depression and sadness experienced in the weeks before this seminary
have completely gone. Peacefulness and tranquility are present in my
daily life - because the idea that I decide nothing is more and more
present and is always in the back ground of any action. Thanks for your presence: see you next visit in France. _____________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, I just wanted to thank you for the most helpful talks you gave on Salt Spring Island and in London. Though while there, I felt like I was continually up against an invisible barrier that I just couldn't even begin to make any headway through.... somehow, back in my normal routines of life, I've let go of all the questions I was banging my head against in both places,..... and gradually, they've all dissolved - lost their potency - like they were only important because I thought them so. And when I stopped thinking about them, the answers - or non-answers - were already there; perhaps had been all along. In the face of all these mysteries, I feel a deep gratitude towards you for your part in the whole "happening". Since I seem to end up spending such a substantial part of my life between the pages of a book, I thought I would send you a small section I found myself reading on my return home. It's from Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions - a book I hadn't re-read for 30 years. Coming immediately after your London talk, I couldn't help but be struck by the synchronicity of his seeming Advaitic twist. Anyway, I'm also a most appreciative admirer of your extremely liberating gift of wit and repartee. Perhaps Kurt Vonnegut has a few arrows you can add to your well-stocked quiver. Once again, however, my heartfelt thanks for so generously helping each one of us with whatever obstacles we had that brought us all there together. With love << Like everyone else in the cocktail lounge, he was softening his brain with alcohol. This was a substance produced by a tiny creature called yeast. Yeast organisms ate sugar and excreted alcohol; they killed themselves by destroying their own environment. Kilgore Trout once wrote a short story which was a dialogue between two pieces of yeast. They were discussing the possible purposes of life as they ate sugar and suffocated in their own excrement. Because of their limited intelligence, they never came close to guessing that they were making champagne. >> Very dear Ramesh, Very dear Wayne, First of all, thank for your kind attention to those few lines. Since some days now, there is this irrepressible drive to write to you both, jointly. This stems from the resonance with altogether your books I read, meeting with you Wayne in France and my last May trip in Bombay close to you Ramesh, and this resonance is more and more profound. Additionally I have the deepest feeling that this Teaching flows through both of you in a unique and most precious way. The seeking started while I was quite young. Around 12 years old. All these years, and from the very beginning, I felt I was guided, having no choice in following such or such pathway or to approach such or such teacher. Yet, in that "evolving" seeking I was embarked in some kind of volitional trip, aiming to reach a goal. Nevertheless, shortly before getting acquainted, reading and meeting with you both, a sudden and deep slackness had taken place. The seeking had receded in the background and more and more I was naturally following the flow. There was these distinct words, " drop the seeking, let yourself be found" running constantly in my head. And while your concepts were not familiar and despite my poor English at the time, watching a video of a satsang of Ramesh had the most profound impact and it lasted for several days. Later on, the meetings I attended with you, Wayne, and my last trip to India close to you Ramesh, were incredible. A succession of fortunate "coincidences" made those encounters possible. And those meetings wracked all remaining beliefs in a free will. A few weeks after my return from India, quite a special period occurred. Life became dull, nothing really mattered, and a low-keyed neutrality had invaded my life. This period has not been agreeable nor disagreeable. Then suddenly, this gave way to something more simple and direct related
to what is there, moment to moment. There is now a lightness, a joy,
to live what occurs, agreeable or not, without separation. In this little note I also wish to thank Philippe who is actively participating in the diffusion of this Teaching. Philippe without whom this letter could not have been translated and who allows so many Frenchmen to benefit from your words. Most affectionately,
Dearest Wayne, As part of the play in my mind, im forever composing some message of thanks to you. Almost i guess, a kind of prayer, a spontaneous current of pleasure. Mostly of course, they never actually make it into form, there is just the pure delight in discovering a way to describe and mirror the awe that swells through the impact of your teaching. Where "NOT THIS NOT THAT" has become THIS &THIS THIS &THIS, an endless overlapping stream sweeping into its empty arms the authoring presence "as real as you are my loves my sweets" and all the other impossibilities nodding towards infinity. Whether its the most elegant of phrase or the almost whispered "you see", the hearty laugh or silence i am so thankful for all and feel blessed your pointers to the impersonal has unleashed within such a deeply personal love. much much love Dear Wayne, I just wanted to say, Thank you, on behalf of my father, Ward Stevens. He passed away from his 7 year battle with cancer. He very much enjoyed hearing you speak over the years. I know his spiritual path guided him peacefully to heaven. Although, it has been 1-1/2 years, it has taken me this long to write you. Sincerely, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, You may be at Ramesh this special day, you may receive a lot of warm words from many of us to day and I don't even know are you my Guru or not but I also want to say something to you to day. No poetry because I'm not a poet and it's not easy to write poems in foreign language. I'll write you about one fact. Since our seminar in Moscow and the days in the Tea Room I began to have visions. I could see you everywhere: in a vast sky above, in the kitchen when I'm cooking, on the pages of a book I'm reading - everywhere. Sometimes the vivid picture arises spontaneously, sometimes because I think about adavaita ideas ... And always it is so pleasant, a wave of warm feeling arises and makes the space of life expanded and more freedom comes inside my inner rooms some of which are dark and stuffy. My name is Ludmila. I was the older one among the participants of this satsang. When I'm writing these lines a warm wave of feeling is also inside and a wish to do something which could please you. One of these days after your visit to St.Petersburg I asked you what did you like most of all there, and you said - fountains, because you love water. So my pleasant thing to you is a bit childish - it's a picture which I liked. Let your days be easy and full of beauty, peace and love, dearest Wayne. Yours L. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, I am working late tonight and hearing (the recording) of one of your first talks that I attended where there was this interaction with you (so incredible) and you were asking me questions about the group I was in before, etc... The point is that suddenly (and is not the first time) I am filled with a deep and crystalline sense of gratitude toward you (Wayne).. because you were so clear, compassionate (in the sense of accepting the other completely) and at the same time so transparent, that you became a window for me through which I could see the unsee-able. We know that words are most of the time incomplete notions, so I can only scribble these ones: Thank you for the Silence that you provided that allowed the Understanding to flourish. With all my respect and Love, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, Thank you so much for the wonderful week in Maui. I have never spent a more joyous week in my life. It was hard to come back to Montreal. There was such a beautiful camaraderie amongst the participants and as always you were the piercing light in the middle of it. The Teaching went much deeper for me this time. And if there ever was any doubt in my mind that you are my guru, that doubt has completely vanished. Thank you so much for being so true and pure. Love
Thank you for the photos. Well, since you know it can happen that a married man can fall in love with a bespectacled banker (male, of course) from Bombay, you won't find it strange that a married male eye surgeon fell in love with a publisher-nobody-sage from Redondo Beach last Saturday. Truly. I don't need to tell you what it feels like. With love and gratitude ______________________________________________________________________________________ What I am writing is less spiritual but more about normal life. It is about the recent coming closer of US & India, affecting millions of their people. To me, in some subtle & symbiotic way, it seems to be related to the relationship between an Indian Sage & his American disciple - the deep love between them is inexplicably spilling over, nourishing both the societies they come from (vastly different in many ways). From my personal experience, I have felt how the presence of a sage can transform a life. The omni-present Grace, (present everywhere), flows in abundance thru' the gateway of the Guru who is a sage, with bountiful of Compassion for one & all that come to him. (Incidentally, it is truely the fortunate few who are brought to him, for unfathomable reasons.) It is this torrent of love between an Indian Guru & his American disciple, unable to contain itself, that seems to be finding it's way, to their societies. God works in mysterious ways. ______________________________________________________________________________________ It's always a great pleasure to be in touch with Wayne, reading the transcripts that you put up on your website. (it does appear to be one way, as I can only read about what he says, but truly, it is both ways !!). I have met him a couple of times during his visits to Bombay to meet him with my Guru (Shri. Ramesh) is a gift I will always cherish. I have seen in his eyes True Humility (where there is no him to be humble) I have seen in him (& deeply felt) True compassion (where there is no him to be compassionate). I have perceived in him True Understanding, (blazing like the high noon Sun & soothing & cooling like a starlit night) but without any trace of personal motivation or agenda. His inherent sweetness, (that is his second nature) & his devastating forthrightness & honesty & fearlessness are truly a divine combination, that can only be experienced & felt & not be described or explained. Next to the understanding that my Guru has showered on me (to whatever extent is my capacity to absorb & soak - even this His gift), knowing him & associating with him & being enabled to be in touch with him (in whatever ways that I have been allowed by destiny) have been the greatest gifts of this lifetime. I know for sure, I have done nothing to deserve such stupendous gifts, & have stopped asking myself Why Me ?? Thank you GURUJI, for such wonderful friend. After being gifted with YOUR company & Wayne's company, this life is truly fulfilled. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dearest Wayne, Thank you for coming to Cambridge and Hingham, Massachusetts recently. Especially since I didn’t say one word - nothing came up that seemed more important than silence - I wanted to express my gratitude to you for your teaching. I love your book and look forward to the next one. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dearest Wayne, Life of course is moving in all directions! There is however always such a precious fullness that appears through you. How deeply moved I am by the sense that you are my teacher, and so utterly relieved and grateful. All my love to you.
Hi Wayne, If I could write a poem to you as wonderful as those you wrote Ramesh, I would. It seems the final depth charge in my consciousness was the actual realization that I am not the author of anything, including myself. The explosion started when we first met several years ago when you came to teach here and has continued to expand and deepen ever since. So much has fallen away...including almost everything I ever taught! What a relief! Everything remains the same and yet something seems to have happened and yet I have no idea what. I just sort of hang out waiting to see what happens next. Or what I'll do next. Since I know you know what I am trying to say, I won't go on any longer, except to say thank you. Who would have thought... My best ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dearest Wayne; as always there is incredible joy and gratitude being in your presence. each time i "sit with you" is a different experience and i never know what to anticipate. but i can expect that there will be pleasure and gratitude. that is the common denominator. coming back from the talks i am not so much a better person but rather more present in the ordinary life of a husband, father and provider. and the sum of all the love in my everyday life can not amount to the one love there is flowing from me to you. the whole is indeed greater than its parts. with much love, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Beloved Wayne and Ramesh, You may find this interesting, the physics world is up in arms about a paper from a 30 year old university dropout denying the existence of time. from http://www.scienceagogo.com/news/denying_time.shtml Denying The Existence Of TimeBy Rusty Rockets Perhaps humans invented the concept of time out of mortal fear; reasoning that if time were tangible then its degenerative march could be controlled, just as mankind has tried to subdue other aspects of the natural world. Immortality would be within our grasp! But while time may be a convenient metronome that delivers neatly portioned slivers of existence to conscious beings, the idea of a 'universal time' is looking increasingly fanciful, at least to some physicists. One individual, Peter Lynds, has put his reputation on the line to try and prove that thinking of time and motion in measured segments, like frames in a film, is wrong-headed. Funnily enough, that's what his critics think of his theory. Lynds goes as far as saying that if instants, rather than intervals, of time were a cosmological truth, then none of us would be here today. In fact no physical object, no mass or energy down to the smallest of particles would ever be in motion. This is probably not the sort of immortality that our ancestors had in mind. The most amazing thing about this whole story is that Lynds is not a trained scientist. But he does have a passionate interest in physics and he is also a huge fan of Einstein's work. Lynds' theory, Time and Classical and Quantum Mechanics: Indeterminacy vs. Continuity, has caused quite a commotion amongst academics, some even saying that his theory is a hoax and that Lynds doesn't actually exist. Skepticism and scorn of Lynds' work has continued but this barrage of criticism doesn't look like it will shut him up anytime soon. Much of the opposition to Lynds' ideas can be attributed to his questioning of scientific orthodoxy. He doesn't mind suggesting that Einstein, Hawking and other respected figures are just plain wrong. He claims some theories are redundant, such as 'imaginary' time, and others just need modification, such as further developing Einstein's theories so as to iron out some of the contradictions. Most of these would take up too much space in trying to explain; so concentrating on Lynds' main theme will be the goal here. In the beginning there was darkness… and there was no time. Time becomes immaterial in empty space, and demonstrates clearly that without objects-in-motion - mass and energy - there is nothing to measure the relative passing of time. So how God knew what day it was in the beginning is anyone's guess. But we digress. Time is relative to mass and energy, there is no ideal universal clock. As a concept, time cannot precede mass and energy, simply because the idea of time is reliant on the relative motions of celestial bodies. As Lynds says: "if there is no mass-energy, there is no space-time;" both are fixed and enmeshed. Because of this, time also has no direction or flow, as we conceive it subjectively; "it is the relative order of events that is important." This is what led Lynds to claim that there is "no precise static instant in time underlying a dynamical physical process." The Greek mathematician Zeno conjured up a famous paradox that involved halving the distance between starting and end-points in time and space. The paradox involves a person trying to move from point A to point B. In order to move from point A, say, your doorway, to point B, say the pub, you must first reach half the distance between A and B, but before that, you must first reach half of that distance. And before that, you must first reach half of that distance and so on ad infinitum. You'll never reach the pub! Zeno's paradox seems to make a mockery out of divvying up time to conveniently suit scientific purposes but we know that this doesn't happen in the real world. For example, when you are driving in your car, your speed is relative to the road beneath you. There is no point on your journey that could be called one instant in time. It can only be an interval of time. Even if you took a photograph of the car travelling along the road, the photograph would be an interval related to the speed of the camera, perhaps a thirtieth of a second. It doesn't matter how much you reduce the time interval, it will always still be an interval, rather than an instant. If there are no measured instants then there is no infinity paradox, which demonstrates that there is no actual time measurement. In short, there is only relative motion between objects, and the order in which they occur. To make it even more confusing, Lynds proposes that this theory demonstrates that a body in motion has no distinct position or coordinate. This basic account of Lynds' theory brings us back to human perceptions of time and why the brain needs to have a concept of time. We are finite beings in an infinite universe (as far as we know) and understanding the universe requires that we are able to measure the events and objects that make up the universe. Being able to control our physical environment by allocating and referring to time in 'instants' is a handy way of dealing with the problem. But it seems increasingly likely that we need to change the way in which we approach, observe and evaluate the universe's dimensions before we have any hope of understanding any of the universe's mysteries. Perhaps Lynds' theory is just what we need to get started. References * A critical account of Lynds' paper by: Professor Philip V. Fellman http://www.casos.cs.cmu.edu/events/conferences/... [8 page MS Word document] * Peter Lynds' Homepage * Peter Lynds. Time and Classical and Quantum Mechanics: Indeterminacy vs. Continuity http://arxiv.org/pdf/physics/0310055 [7 page PDF document] * The strange story of Peter Lynds: The Guardian http://education.guardian.co.uk/higher/... ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne. Thanks again for doing what you do. You’re definitely the last house at the end of this block. The rope continues to fray. Hopefully, the mind will grow tired and give up soon, not that I can do anything about it. It was given just enough intellect to feel like it’s always just on the verge of figuring it out. I’m neither letting it, nor resisting it. Just looking, as I say to store clerks. I just read Acceptance of What Is. It rocks. Then I read The Final Truth. Loved it too. Now I’m reading Acceptance again. Obsessively. I feel like an idiot, but I actually stop to kiss the pages once in a while. Mega Resonance. At least thanks to seeking, I’ve come to know the feeling of reverence with a capital R. Anyway, you’re the greatest. If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. Hope you’ll come to Miami sometime. There are great restaurants.
PS I wanted to share this neat corollary to "All there is is Consciousness. Consciousness is all there is." I see it every time I drive. It's, "Objects in Mirror are Closer than they Appear." Cool, huh? PPS Thanks for the insights on my autistic son. It's much clearer now than ever before. The hypnosis is definitely there too, behind the sensory overload. As I think back, it becomes clear that it arrived at around age two and a half – just like everybody else.
Dear Ram Tzu, Namaskar! This letter is writing by body with name S P, or K, on which the tears of understanding flow on Sat-Sang in Moscow. And around your head was a shining halo. From your head the flame issues of purple color playing to golden then to white and disappears. The breadth was about 5 sm, and 7 sm on the nape. I believed the first time it was a illumination effect, but translator had not such halo sitting beside. I was telling your wife that you have a halo like is drawing on Iesus Khrist. This happened with me the first time in my life. But 4 month after our meeting - 2 of Oktober - the another event occurs, which point that this was the last time. No more questions. And I write you about it because there is acknowledgement, Thanking, which wish to be expressed. But you is so far, and I don't know see you next time. You speak you will be in India at Ramesh Balsekar. If you wish, please inform me where and when you will be - I come to meet you. We will just sitting a little, and if there will be a words (my English is too bad) we can looking a vocabulary - where have we hasten? I suppose you will be in Kovalam Seminar 5-16 of December and I planning to be there. I will leave in middle of November. Will live in around of Kovalam waiting for Seminar beginning to adapt a little. I still was not in India and plan to be there a long time, but don't know where. There is time to meeting. Intensity Namaskar ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, thank you so much for a wonderful time at this year's retreat in Maui. It was great to see you again. These last few month's I have been experiencing a lot of irritation and anger. Not really directed at anything in particular but sometimes it feels overwhelming and scary. It feels like long repressed emotions finally coming to the surface. And I've become aware that a lot of my depression stems from these internalized feelings. So it feels good to finally own them and feel them however intense they can be. And I can see that this anger also contains resolve and will and centeredness. And ultimately joy. Thank you for being so pure and the many gifts that I have received over the years. Love ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, I won't be attending this year's Maui retreat but I wanted to wish you and Jackie the very best time there. Though Maui is not happening for me, and the Ross weekends are just a beautiful memory, the teaching continues to do its work in its silent and mysterious way. The depth of acceptance continues to deepen as well as the accompanying peace and contentment. You continue to rest within my heart, and the teaching as expressed through you, resonates as strongly as it ever has. Have a wonderful Maui time. With Love and Gratitude, ______________________________________________________________________________________ I feel somehow reluctant to call you by name. Any name seems to me unfitting. When on the first day of the talks you came and sat into the armchair there immediately arose the unbelievable intensity of presence, which on the 1st day led to a slight disorientation and unfocusing. On the 2nd day the presence was less intensive but constant. On the 3rd day there again was incredible intensity. There was peace in which nobody was. This presence is always here. It either increases especially when I visualize the image of you, or decreases, but the presence itself stays intact and there is no one in it. It's never happened to me before, even in the presence of Ramesh. I know that you are my Guru and that which happened in your presence is invaluable. But somehow I don't feel love to you on the personal level. And it is considered that there should be love between Guru and disciple. At the same time I immediately almost fell in love with Jaki, I like her very much and even feel shy to talk to her. I understand that you receive a lot of letters of the kind but I had to write about that.
K. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, The contact with you and the teaching has been such a beautiful and profound experience. So perfect. I feel very grateful. Here are a few verses that have recently come to mind:
Dearest Wayne, I ran across a pic of you and me in XXXX. seeing you inspired me to write and tell you I love you. I love the teaching and i am going thru hell. i filed bankruptcy on april 7th. i won't know the outcome till july. they said 3 months. but the anticipation of this started over a year ago. bad investments, poor job market. i knew XXXXXX would drive me to drink eventually and it has. what a turn of events. i am on sleeping pills, anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. i have cut my wrists several times. once it was really deep and i was scared and sick as i watched blood spurt everywhere. Plus it fucking hurt. but, i am still here. i tell myself it is because i can't leave my cat and my son, my son to deal with something as brutal as suicide. i see so much pain and heartache each day. and i cry and empathize and don't know what else there is to be done. Want to know how crazy this is? i cried when i saw a bus broke down, with smoke coming out of it. I can't help that i feel so deeply. even about inanimate objects. i feel so out of place and i am not the person i was 2 years ago. i wonder what you would say to me, or if you will even feel moved to reply. this teaching.....we don't know the effects. we want the effects to be "good" but in this case they suck. and so it goes. Love, ______________________________________________________________________________________ The fragrance It is With love, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Beloved as my heart will do from time to time, I've been again lovedrunk on the world around me - in particular of late immersed in the miraculous exquisiteness of the natural world - the birdwing, birdsong, flower blossom, curling of the dropped dry leaf, unexpected pattern of stone, dappled dancing sunlight, courageous dandelions... everywhere i look and breathe - given miracles... the unfolding, unfurling miraculous Beauty. once when you were in Ross you flexed your hand and remarked on the miracle of that. and i who had been alternating between your words and form and the gorgeousness of the tree and birds beyond the window over your shoulder was so delighted - that you feel this too - this ever present miracle. so, these last few days, i've been missing my mother who passed a couple of years ago and who pointed out and so conditioned me to observe the natural world around me and wishing to share it with her somehow and thinking how and who would i even share this - and this voraciousness that i'm feeling? my best friends are the ecstatic poets - dead! though living with me every day. and then there are all of the people in my life who seem unfazed by a slender stalk that delights me. and dear Gary who you introduced me to and can witness the bhakti tears. and then this afternoon, i remembered you in Ross and on the beaches on Maui, peering into the tidepools and soaking it all in and i thought to write you and say love to you and that i'm so very very grateful that you're included in this life unfolding before me in every moment. i never want to take your time - but you live here. i hope the day has brought something lovely to your eyes, to every sense - overflowing that great heart of yours once again. and once more, my gratitude for the generousness, preciseness, and love that flows through you ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, My heart is filled out a gratitude and joy. Thank you for your tenderness to my very trite state. You were so kind to me and did not kill me at all- And thank you for EVERYTHING. See you on Friday next week, my Love. With love and gratitude ______________________________________________________________________________________ this in response to Wayne's request for the reference to Maharaj's use of the word "miracle" to describe the world. Standard yellow and black version of I AM THAT from Acorn. p. 525.
blessings ______________________________________________________________________________________ Hi Wayne, First I wanne tell you that I really enjoy your teaching in Amsterdam in 2004. I am the guy on the eight foto on the left wearing the brown jacket. "I am doing" Advaita things from september last year. Last year I went to Byron Katie where I met a guy who knew something about Advaita. He told me a few things about it and told me he participated one of your teachings. Since then I started reading, participated your teaching in Amsterdam in 2004 and the gorilla won't stop. I have had several periods of searching in my life but this Advaita is the heroine up till now. The reason I sent you an email is that you were speaking about things can become grey when you are searching. And that is going on right now. I am so goddamned frustrated that I know I am not the doer, but the whole time it feels (I believe) I have to do something, or change or decide what I am going to do. At this moment I do not have a job but believe I have to do something to make money, but something I like to do. But I am not interested in anything, nothing matters, it is all being done bye oneness, it is just a play, I am an instrument, why bother for my life or what I do, I find all new age, spiritual seekers, and people in general idiots with their stupid ideas that they believe they have all the control. And I find it very lonesome because nobody I know believe the ultimate understanding that there is no doer, that there is nobody here. Although I know it is all god or conscious that is running the show, including my show. Is that a phase??? Do you hear more of these things??? Love
Dear Wayne: Saturday August 21st, 2004 I attended your intensive at Ross. During the last twenty years or so I spent most of my time learning about what motivates different people (myself included) during different phases in their lives. This activity culminated in looking at seekers, while becoming a seeker myself. It started with psychology and philosophy (such authors as Jung and Wilber), and later turned via Merrell-Wolff and Sri Aurobindo to the mystics. I read many Masters, lately specifically Advaita teachers such as Ramana, Nisargadatta, Wei Wu Wei, Ramesh, and yourself. Much of their teachings I absorbed and learned to agree with, at least on an intellectual level. A few months ago I felt it was time to meet you in person. So I came to your Ross intensive. At first in listening to you I found myself thinking: "This is much like reading the Masters." And: "You are much better at explaining the inexplicable than I will ever be." Then, completely out of the blue, something happened. Without any warning I became totally absorbed. Not in what you were saying per se, not even in you as a person, but in something utterly indescribable that nonetheless had something to do with you. Later I realized that it probably was what you call "Resonance." Suddenly I understood you when you acknowledge love for Ramesh at the beginning of each session. This communication is such an acknowledgement. My seeking seems to have come to an end. Really Knowing who I am did not happen until you so firmly installed it into my database. 'You' installed 'it' in 'my' database? Were you aware of any acting on your part? You can be no more a 'doer' than I can. Anyway, after the false sense of your responsibility in the matter arises a real sense of gratitude. I guess this makes 'me' 'your' disciple and 'you' 'my' Guru. Yet I am somewhat leery of that concept. There seems to have been surrendering all right, but not 'by me', and not 'to you'. As far as I can tell, the sense of personal doership has also disappeared, for now at least. Will it come back tomorrow? Probably; at least so now and then, I expect. If so, what happened was just another experience of 'climbing the shaft of the pendulum.' Yet seeking has definitely vanished. Apart from the dictates of the present moment, all motivation seems to have disappeared, including the desire for Enlightenment. Thank you, thank you. Thank you? Thank Totality? Thank Me? I don't know; just thanks! Love, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Wayne picked up your new book here at Sri Ramesh's.....to tell you the truth at first when i picked it up i said shit more of the same old 'something' and set it right back down.....and some how / not my doing /....the hand grabbed it (a few days later) again......can't begin to tell you how "EMPTY" i've found IT this time ......so full of NOTHING........it's no wonder i never ..."GOT IT"....mind you 'i' still have NOT....and yet........there is a little less.....thank you Wayne ______________________________________________________________________________________ Hello Wayne, How's it going bra? I understand everything you say and I'm not really worried about enlightenment, maybe because I am?? I dunno. I've been to India a bunch and stuff had the whole Universe collapsing, unity consciousness thing happen on a mountain there and things have made a lot of sense since then. Of course I started to identify with a morality that engaged, associated itself with and emerged connecting itself to that experience, and I went through a stage where I had to dis-identify with that belief system. But, now its different, quite nice actually. I read "I am that" religiously for sometime and then figured out that "this IS how it is"..... "this is what I am not" ....... "it's all good" .. "there is only one". Anyways, that's not why I emailed, but sometimes people are like "who is this guy?" and I'm sure you're still like that every now and then and so there's my little to blurb to appease that part of you oh grrrrreat and powerful holy man. hehe. So, getting to my question - oh yeah I love the start of your poem by Ram Tzu -
Very eloquent and I also enjoy your humour very much. Sooooo, getting to the question - I am currently studying my Masters in Religious Studies in Calgary, Canada (although some of these academic types are very dumb) and my (hypo)thesis is that, when enough people get this whathaveyou that you are talking about, that all these Indian guys are talking about, that I know about but don't talk about really - when enough people get "it" internally, the tumultuousness of the world in general will simmer down some, there might be more peace, because the collective inner is more at peace. Or in other words when people stop believing in the illusion of separateness (which implies this vs. that) will the world be more at peace?? And do you think this is something of a ridiculous (hypo)thesis or quite a profound and practical (hypo)thesis?? I'd be interested to hear from you. Peace in your Middle East, Love, High ____ (not that High :) ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, Thanks for your emails. I always enjoy them, but the one about your dad's death prompted me to share some thoughts with you because my dad died a few years ago, and my mom died last year. I learned a lot from contemplating their passing and integrating the Advaita philosophy with it. At this point, I do not fear dying, I fear only the pain that may accompany the process of dying. I often think of the line from a Kenny Rogers' song, "The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep." I don't think it's the best I can hope for, but it doesn't sound bad. The teachings that you and Ramesh have made available to me continue to provide comfort and hope. Sincerely, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Hi Wayne, cloudy skies and yet warm enough to open the windows and smell the air of spring. For weeks or months I am thinking of writing to you, an impuls that so far was not strong enough, but now I am typing. Doubts like we don't even know each other or wait until you have a clear question ... made that the last letters were just written in my head. About 7-8 years ago when I lived in Springwater, NY I came about some cassettes of Ramesh. It took me quite a long time to listen to them all and I remember outbreaks of anger etc. but in the end Ramesh made a lasting impression on me. Four years ago spending the winter in Sicily, not much going on there, my husband was reading one of your books and I gave it a try. In a different way I had the same experience, some anger came up and still I could not let go. I did not like it a bit that I should not have control over my life. And at the same time a felt almost a yearning to finally let go, whatever that means. Back in the States in 2002 and still looking for a place to settle down (we finally found it a year ago!) I somehow got on your email list. First it felt almost a little funny, like you laugh something off, you are uncomfortable with, when the "my loves" mails arrived. In my heart however I liked it to be part of "my loves", not even knowing you. I started looking forward to your mail and considered to attend your gathering in Maui. I looked at pictures on the net, considered the expenses (at the time I live in Costa Rica) and could not do it. I think both places Sicily and Costa Rica helped me to question the "fact to be in control" more deeply. Life there presented itself so out of control, in Costa Rica you were never sure whether there would be water running out of the faucet, or electricity, your house could be under water coming back from a brief shopping trip, the bus could come at 10 or 11, mostly he stopped, sometimes he did not. Not knowing became part of life and in an amazing way I felt more relaxed (or maybe just from the heat and humidity). I am trying to trust life more as it is, sometimes that works better than other times. Sometimes I have the feeling that fear and trust are growing at the same rate, which does not seem to make any sense. We moved into the Asheville area a year ago and I was very fortunate to not have to work that last year, being by myself most of the time without a phone or a car (maybe a nightmare for others). I was hoping to get some deeper answers but I am not so sure and I am worried with work starting next week everything will dissolve again in pressure of time and performance. I sometimes think what it comes down to is that I am very protected, my heart feels hurt and at the same time wants to open up and embrace the world. Your last mail touched me very much, to be able to find that connection to your father (and I am also sorry for your loss). My father is an alcoholic, not that he thinks so. It is very difficult to have a deeper connection or one at all that makes sense. More and more over the last years I think that 10 years of war and Russian prisoner camp just pushed him over the edge, like a lot of now older men in Germany, I am German. There is this well known struggle again, wanting to accept things as they are and wishing for a change. I often feel my family back in Germany is like a war zone and honestly I have no idea to change that, no control, there it is again, no control at all. And even though I could give you zillions of examples for that (no control) I am still holding on to some tiny possibility. It's just nuts. You are probable wondering why I am writing all this to you, what do I want. I am actually not so sure myself. I am not normally writing to people I don't know. Somehow there is this impulse that keeps coming up to get in touch with you. I am sitting at the computer at home. We don't have email connection. I have to go to the library in order to send this mail. I am not sure. Probably when you get this letter I really decided to send it. The neighbor dogs are barking, I like it, it reminds me of Costa Rica, day and night dogs were barking. And here the quietness feels especially nice after they stop, just the computer humming. It is very pretty here in WNC; maybe you would like to come up here one time. I would love that. Maybe I could organize a meeting place for a workshop like you do in other cities. Thanks for all your love-letters, for your the honesty and openness and understanding, Love and pura vida,
Dear Wayne I wish to thank you for having written the book Never Mind. When I saw it on the table at Watkin's Bookstore in London, I picked it up but hesitated to buy it at first because I just have too many books on these subjects. But I did and am glad because if I have read your book correctly it gives me a better understanding of what Buddha meant by 'No Self'. I have read about it in many books about Buddhism but had yet to grasp its meaning. If I have interpreted what you wrote correctly I think the absence of an author = No Self. Being able to understand that and many other things about life in your book has made the purchase of your book worthwhile. I didn't even know about your organisation until I bought the book. Regards ______________________________________________________________________________________ I am going through an incredibly painful, difficult time. Thinking of you gives me a sense of something reliable -- a steady point of reference. I suppose I am trying to penetrate through to feel the Love (or to let the Love penetrate through to me). I suppose that's why I am writing this email. Reaching out in some way. Thanks for listening. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Wayne, Thanks for including me in the newsletter loop, in which you wrote: "Effort by the spiritual aspirant may well be required as part of the functioning of Totality!" These words come as no small relief to one who is currently parlaying not-seeking into a time-consuming, daily ritual (insert insipid smiley face). Memories of you lurk in the back of my skull (near the multiplication tables, just to the left of the Jimi Hendrix). Did you know that you're the only thing in the world standing between me and having that "I'm enlightened and you're not" look plastered across my face? If life were a game-show, then I suppose that enlightenment would be the grand prize for folks like me. Assuming this to be so, then being relieved of the compulsion to chase bliss states must be equivalent to the thousand servings of Rice-A-Roni. Grateful nonetheless, the runner-up receiving the Advaita parting gift. Pumping mechanism - mid-left sternum - all aflutter, ______________________________________________________________________________________ Dear Lord; Although my body is tired and spent, Love, |
